The Grand Fidafest Hotel

Temporary residence available 24-26 April 2026

Special engagement

The Grand Fidafest Hotel

A Most Peculiar Weekend in Honour of Fida's 40th Year

Somewhere along the windswept coastline near Lorne, tucked between eucalyptus whispers and questionable decision-making, stands a hotel of considerable charm and highly inconsistent management.

You are formally invited to take up temporary residence for a weekend of leisure, intrigue, performance, and mild chaos.

Dates
24-26 April 2026
Guests
20-35 exceptional individuals
Setting
A windswept coastline near Lorne
Occasion
Fida turns 40 and insists on making it everyone's problem
Inspect the programme RSVP to the concierge
Illustrated poster for The Grand Fidafest Hotel
Attendance is strongly encouraged. Dignity is optional. Staff. Guest. Legend. Attendance is strongly encouraged. Dignity is optional. Staff. Guest. Legend.

Your stay

Guests will be received, judged, and assigned to their quarters.

Some rooms contain beds. Others contain... opportunity.

Upon arrival, guests will be received and assigned to their quarters before beginning a weekend of leisure, intrigue, performance, and mild chaos.

The hotel offers a wide array of amenities, all entirely real until proven otherwise.

  • A swimming pool of fluctuating temperature
  • A hot tub of questionable morality
  • Poker tables where fortunes will be won and immediately lost
  • Ping pong of escalating intensity
  • Lounging areas for dramatic conversations and unnecessary monologues
Fidafest hotel artwork for the quarters section

The programme of events

Three days of controlled absurdity.

Leisure hour, banquet, scavenger hunt, karaoke, yoga, and the sort of schedule that looks increasingly ambitious after midnight.

Friday, 24 April

Arrival & Orientation

A careful opening act involving greetings, drinks, and light suspicion.

  • Check-In & Atmospheric Settling

    A delicate process involving greetings, drinks, and light suspicion.

  • Leisure Hour(s)

    Guests may acquaint themselves with the hotel's many distractions.

  • Evening Banquet

    Nourishment before the inevitable unraveling.

  • The Fidafest Incident: A Game of Mafia

    Trust no one. Especially not Fida.

  • Karaoke

    Compulsory confidence, optional talent.

  • Dancing & Discotheque Affairs

    Curated by our in-house impeccable DJs.

Saturday, 25 April

Cultural Enrichment & Competitive Glory

A demanding day of elegance, scavenging, hips, and consequences.

  • Breakfast

    Recovery and reflection.

  • The Artist's Hour

    A refined drawing session for the creatively inclined and the delusionally confident.

  • Leisure Interlude

    Wander, lounge, conspire.

  • Luncheon

    A civilised pause before the race begins.

  • The Grand Fidafest Race

    A highly prestigious, loosely organised scavenger hunt of international irrelevance.

  • Belly Dance Workshop

    Elegance, hips, and questionable coordination.

  • Karaoke, Again

    For reasons still unclear.

  • Dancing Until Regret

    Exactly what it sounds like.

Sunday, 26 April

Restoration & Departure

A gentle return to reality for anyone capable of it.

  • Breakfast

    Gentle re-entry to reality.

  • Yoga & Existential Realignment

    Bring your mat and whatever remains of your dignity.

  • Check-Out

    Guests will depart forever changed, or at minimum, slightly tired.

Prepare accordingly

This is not merely attendance. It is character work.

Grand hotel lobby with seated guest

Packing Instructions

Non-negotiable.

  • A yoga mat for flexibility, both physical and emotional
  • Swimmers or floaties, glamour encouraged
  • A towel, because the hotel has standards
  • A plate. Do not ask questions
  • Beverages of choice, essential for morale
  • An outfit of significance
  • Warm clothing, because the coast is deceptive
  • Sleeping bag, mat, and pillow if you are not one of the fortunate twenty

Dress Code

Hotel Roles & Identities.

You are not merely attending. You are staff, guest, or legend. Come dressed as your chosen role:

  • The overly committed bellboy
  • The suspiciously glamorous receptionist
  • The diva in the presidential suite
  • The quietly powerful housekeeping
  • Any interpretation your mind, wardrobe, or ego permits

Fida herself will appear in multiple roles, including:

  • Housekeeping
  • A highly important VIP guest

Cost of admission

$215 max per person

The final sum will be determined once all esteemed guests have committed to the spectacle.

Hotel ledger

Register your arrival and the supplies you intend to smuggle in.

Fill in the ledger once. Fill it in again later if your role, day, or plate changes.

A contribution of food and beverages is expected. Sleeping arrangements are limited. There are only 20 beds. The rest of you will build character.

Live ledger: your entry updates the shared board.

Add yourself to the hotel records.

Guest Arrival Food Drinks Notes
Your name Friday A dish of some consequence Hotel-approved beverages Bellboy, VIP, or both
Another legend Saturday Snacks, salad, or strategy Wine, beers, softies, or something theatrical Late arrival. Claims innocence.
Grand hotel atrium filled with staff and guests

Final notes

This is not simply a birthday. It is a Fidafest.

Attendance is strongly encouraged. Guests will depart forever changed, or at minimum, slightly tired.

RSVP to the concierge Return to the lobby